


A Sue in Space

by lalalalalawhy



Category: Pecos Bill and Slue-foot Sue
Genre: American Tall Tales, Epistolary, Gen, IN SPACE!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-08 02:35:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6835525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lalalalalawhy/pseuds/lalalalalawhy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This recording came over our radio on a frequency that rarely picks up anything. As you can tell, it’s very likely a prank, and I’m sorry if you deem it a waste of time. Maybe Dr. Bradshaw thought you’d get a kick out of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Sue in Space

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Merfilly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merfilly/gifts).



**To:** Dr. Mary Harris  <[ mharris@SETI.org ](mailto:mharris@SETI.org)>

 **From:** Dr. Aaliyah Abdulla  <[ aaliyah.b.abdulla@nasa.gov ](mailto:aaliyah.b.abdulla@nasa.gov)>

 **CC:** Dr. Terry Bradshaw  <[ terry.l.bradshaw@nasa.gov ](mailto:terry.l.bradshaw@nasa.gov)>

 **Subject:** Recording of interest

 

Dear Dr. Harris, 

I was referred to you through your former colleague, Terry Bradshaw. Dr. Bradshaw asked me to forward this recording over to you. She said to tell you that it’s just like 1992 all over again.

This recording came over our radio on a frequency that rarely picks up anything. As you can tell, it’s very likely a prank, and I’m sorry if you deem it a waste of time. Maybe Dr. Bradshaw thought you’d get a kick out of it.

Attached please find both the recording [2016_5_20_23:07-23:17_unknown_source.mp3] and a transcript [2016_5_20_23:07-23:17_transcript.docx]. The first voice you hear is of unknown origin; the second voice is my own.

Best,

Dr. Aaliyah Abdulla

 

\--

Dr. Aaliyah Abdulla

Post-Doctoral Research Fellow

Radio Astronomy Lab

 

* * *

 

**TRANSCRIPT**

**START:**  2016_5_20_23:07

 **END:**  2016_5_20_23:17

 

**START TRANSMISSION**

 

 **UNKNOWN VOICE:** Hey! Hey! Hallo? Howdy? Ya'at eeh! Da'anzho! Dadgummit, does anybody copy?

 

 **AALIYAH ABDULLA:** Hello?

 

 **UV:** Howdy? Do you copy?

 

 **AA:** This is a secure channel. Please identify yourself at once.

 

 **UV:** I swear, every dadgum time it’s a different one a’ya’ll I talk to. What every happened to good old fashioned sticktuitiveness?

 

 **AA:** Ma’am! Ma’am. Please identify yourself!

 

 **UV:** Okay, all right, hold yer danged horses there little missy. My name is Slue-foot Sue, and I hope to gracious you know what that means.

 

 **AA:** I… If you would please stop joking around and identify yourself! How did you reach this frequency?

 

 **SfS:** I already done told ya: I’m Slue-foot Sue, and I’m on this frequency because this frequency is where I am is at!

 

 **AA:** The only Slue-foot Sue I know is a from a cartoon or a tall tale or something, and this frequency is strictly extraplanetary!

 

 **SfS:** Oh, hon. I ain’t half as fictional as some folks down there on Earth, and, as you say, I am indeed extraplanetary. I am beyond that planet! Above it all, some might say! I am Slue-foot Sue, the super stratospheric!

 

 **AA:** O...kay Ms. Sue, you say you are extraplanetary. There are only six humans in space right now, all male, and most of them are named Tim. I don’t know of any Sues in space.

 

 **SfS:** [Prolonged laughter] Well! Ain’t that a thing. Now you do! I’m a Sue in Space! I like that.

 

 **AA:** If you are in space, pray tell, how did you get there?

 

 **SfS:** Ain’t you know your history, child? Okay, fine, set ye there a tick, and I’ll tell you. Ya see, it all began with that no-good do gooder Pecos Bill.

 

 **AA:** Pecos Bill? The fictional character who rode tornadoes?

 

 **SfS:** I don’t know about fictional, but that’s him! The one and same. Child, I’ll tell you. This cowgirl had not a care in the world afore ol’ Bill came along. I was bidin’ my time, ridin’ my faithful catfish steed, Birdie-

 

 **AA:** You named your catfish Birdie?

 

 **SfS:** Well sure! She flew just as pretty as can be! Anyway, into my life saunters this little storm cloud of a fella, brown like coffee and sweet like sugar, swept me right up off my feet, he did! We got married quick as you like, but his horse, wowwie! his horse never did like me.

 

 **AA:** Let me guess. Widowmaker?

 

 **SfS:** You’ve heard of the blasted creature? Oh, I did my best with him. Fed him some of the choicest sugar lumps, I did, enough to make his teeth go rotten. I sat and talked with him, told him I’d never had this much trouble with a creature before. I coddled the dang thing. Then what did that fickle-fisted son of a ninny do? He bided his time, let me ride him a time or two, and waited until I was wearin’ my special bustle.

 

 **AA:** Your... special… bustle?

 

 **SfS:** Oh, honey, you should’a seen it. It was a thing of glory. It made my behind so big it was nearly a is-was-and-will-ever-be-hind! I just had to sway my hips and half the folks in town fainted at the sight. With my special bustle there weren’t no creature as could avoid my wiles.

 

 **AA:** Your… feminine wiles?

  
  
**SfS:** Yes, my feminine wiles. My wiles had wiles. I wiled up everyone in that town. Folks were falling over themselves just to put milk in my tea.

 

 **AA:** Is that a euphemism?

 

 **SfS:** Yes and no, honey child, yes and no. But anyway, I got dressed up special so we could redo our wedding day, as the first one happened so fast it rivaled the speed of light. This time we invited everyone from town and nearby townships up to three counties. Shizhé'é yázhí, my uncle on my Mama’s side, is a Medicine Man, and he presided along with both the black and white preachers from town. The audience was full of friends and relations and I had Pecos Bill dig a trench right down Main Street so’s I could ride Birdie down the aisle. It was a sight to see.

 

 **AA:** Congratulations?

 

 **SfS:** Thank you! It was a wedding for the ages! Beautiful ceremony! Afterwards we were going to sit up on Widowmaker and ride off into the sunset. That was temporary, you understand, there was going to be a barn burner of a party that night to celebrate and I wouldn’ta missed that for all the sunset smooches in the world.

 

 **AA:** Okay.

 

 **SfS:** Don’t sass me, missy, I got information for you.

 

 **AA:** Let me know when you get to it.

 

 **SfS:** You know what? I’m going to ignore your sarcasm. So we was wed, people got to cheerin’, the sun hurried up and got to settin’, and we set about climbing atop ol’ Widowmaker. Now I’d been working at buttering that old ninny up for weeks, like I said, so I was pretty confident. Ol’ Pecos boosted me up and I swung a leg over. My bustle creaked with the strain, but it held. Good ol’ Bessie.

 

 **AA:** You named your bustle?

 

 **SfS:** Named her Bessie, yes indeed! But Widowmaker looked over his shoulder with those damned evil eyes and I swear he grinned at me. Next thing you know, Widowmaker reared up, nose to the sky, ripping his bridle clean out of the hands of Pecos. I held fast, though, not one to be easily unseated once I’m settled on a steed. But then he sprang like a spring, and he was nose down, ass to heaven, and Ol’ Bessie did what she could. I tell you, I was launched so high I got cloudstuff in my hair.

 

 **AA:** Well, sure, but then didn’t you come back down eventually?

 

 **SfS:** A-course I did! How much do you know about physics, girl?

 

 **AA:** I know plenty about physics!

 

 **SfS:** Okay, okay, calm your ponies there. What goes up must come down.

 

 **AA:** I mean, largely speaking, yes, but the theory of gravity is actually a lot more complicated…

 

 **SfS:** I know! A body in motion stays in motion and all that business. Of course I kept bouncing. But Bessie made sure I got higher and higher with each bounce. And I been bouncin’ ever since. Into the stratosphere and beyond, child!

 

 **AA:** But… didn’t Pecos Bill shoot you?

 

 **SfS:** Shoot me?! Ha! Is that what you heard? Not on your life. What’s more, I’d like to see him try. No, he didn’t shoot me. He just divorced me, that lily livered soul. Couldn’t stand to have a long distance relationship, said he needed someone more “down to earth.” Ha! I’m comin’ down to earth half the time!

 

 **AA:** I don’t… okay, listen, I’ve played along. But I have work to do, and this channel is for official business only…

 

 **SfS:** And I’m tellin’ you this IS official business. They told me to call after last time I came down. I got some real good photos of Saturn you’re gonna wanna see, and I saw that New Horizons thingy. I want some of that tech, you tell your boss.

 

 **AA:** I… what?

 

 **SfS:** Don’t you listen? I’m on approach and I’m in range now! You’ll be seein’ me soon, but I’ll be gone a’fore you know it! My business is up in these stars now. You wanna catch me on the bounce? You let somebody know Ol’ Sue is comin’.

 

**END TRANSMISSION**

 

* * *

 

 

 **To:** Dr. Terry Bradshaw  < [ terry.l.bradshaw@nasa.gov ](mailto:terry.l.bradshaw@nasa.gov)>

 **From:** Dr. Mary Harris  < [ mharris@SETI.org ](mailto:mharris@SETI.org)>

 **CC:** Dr. Aaliyah Abdulla  < [ aaliyah.b.abdulla@nasa.gov ](mailto:aaliyah.b.abdulla@nasa.gov)>

 **Subject:** Re: Recording of interest

 

Terry, stop torturing the poor child and give her the file on SFS-TX-1, Known Unaffiliated Satellite. Have you been able to pin down a rough date and time of impact? Let me know; I’ll be there. You bring the hot chocolate this time.

 

-MH

 

\--

Dr. Mary Harris

Deputy Director, Carl Sagan Center

_“Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.” -- Carl Sagan_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks very much to glorious_clio for the beta support!
> 
> http://www.howmanypeopleareinspacerightnow.com/


End file.
